Limits on sharing personal things about yourself

Sharing things about yourself is a great way to deepen a relationship. But sometimes when you are asked a very personal question, you might feel not wanting to answer it. There are a couple reasons for not answering a question that is too personal.

Trust

Relating to trust, you might think about the following: "Do I trust the other person enough to share this information about myself? Have I known the person long enough to trust them for not abusing the information later?"

Trust builds over time and it's logical to want to share more personal things about yourself after spending more time with the person. Also, sharing should be mutual. You can feel that you can share something about yourself after the other person has shared similar things about themselves. One good way to get to know each other is to ask the same question back.

The ability to trust a new person is highly dependant on past experiences. If someone has hurt you before, you might be more sensitive about sharing too much personal information to a new person. On the other hand, if you haven't been hurt before for oversharing, you might also be willing to share too much and get hurt this time.

Ability to form an accurate reply

Now, one very important thing to think about is: "Can I currently form a reply that accurately describes my view on the subject?" Because on deeper level questions, that you haven't used much time to think about beforehand, it can be surprisingly difficult.

Even if you try to reply honestly, you might not be satisfied with the sentences that you put out. And in the worst case, you say something totally wrong, and it can be difficult to "change your answer" later, at least from the other persons perspective.

Can I currently form a reply that accurately describes my view on the subject?

You can also always answer: "Let me think about this first and let's talk about it later".

For the question "what are you thinking about right now?" it's important to remember that your thoughts are often something that you don't control. Even if you want to reply honestly, it can be very misleading to say your thoughts out aloud without any kind of filter. Because remember, you are not your thoughts. It should be fine to answer "nothing important" if the thoughts currently running on your mind are not something that you think represents the actual you.

Also, if it's already close to bedtime or you are tired for another reason, when you are asked a difficult question, it might be better to answer: "Sorry, my mind isn't as its best now, could we continue from here the next day?"

Finding out your limits

It's impossible to know your limits without first crossing at least some of them. This can happen accidentally or intentionally. Some limits may need crossing for multiple times before you can tell where they are. And of course, the limit can change over time. Your mental flexibility is also dependant upon your current level of energy.

There is a certain risk involved in finding out your limits. Messing up personal questions can hurt relationships. Luckily you don't need to cross all your limits, you can develop a sense for yourself when you are reaching a limit. You need to study your feelings. But without ever crossing a limit, you might but the bar too low on what is still a good thing to share. Because sharing personal things about yourself is of course a great way to deepen a relationship.

Finding out your limits on sharing personal information and knowing how handle them in situations is part of personal growth and getting to know yourself.